release

Taking a break from writing was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. There are times when writing is the greatest thing I could have, but there are moments when I feel that if I write, I would only make things worse. Writing has always been a release, getting out the words on the page takes the feeling out of my body, and it allows me to feel calm. For the last few years, anytime I tried to write something, the words didn’t feel right, I couldn’t make the sentences make sense, I couldn’t get the paragraphs to flow, and I never felt any better after finishing what I wrote.

I was full of hate, anger, and confusion on how I should behave and carry myself as a person after losing such a big part of who I was. There were so many things changing in my life, too many stressful occurrences hitting me repeatedly, with absolutely no breaks. Feeling lost is not something I come across often, and I felt like I couldn’t write because I felt that I was becoming a hateful person. Writing about everything I was feeling didn’t feel good, the words I was using felt like they weren’t being said by someone that I wanted to be.

But my favorite thing about writing is that nobody needs to see it until I am ready for it, and that I can just as easily get rid of it. My favorite form of release, not only because it is so easy, but because if you really manifest it, those words become the burdens you carry, the emotions you feel so deeply, and the hurt you feel. Getting rid of a few simple words can become so much more meaningful.